


goodbye

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, but still it's a warning, kind of war au, the death is only mentioned in the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 20:45:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8116999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It was sad, really. Sehun was here now, smoking after he woke up, looking at Jongin and wondering how their lives would be if they were living in some other time.





	

**Author's Note:**

> **warnings:** typos, grammar mistakes and character's death.
> 
> i came up with this out of nowhere, probably it's not exactly emotional or sad or whatever, but smh i like it, so i hope you'll like it a little bit too? thank you to whoever decides to read it!

Sehun woke up from the painful ache in his leg, the one which was barely saved couple of months ago. He moved carefully to the edge of the bed, making sure that the sleeping boy next to him wouldn’t wake up. He chuckled to himself, calling Jongin, a man the same age as him, even couple of months older, boy was funny thing. But the way Jongin acted, the way his eyes were shining, the hope in them, Sehun could only see a boy with a dream.

Sighing, he took out the package of cigarettes from his pant’s pocket and then throwing it back on the ground from where he took it. Once he lighted one cigarette and took a big gulp from it, Sehun felt the relief and the way his nerves calmed, even when he knew that it was his mind doing it and not actually the poisonous stick in his mouth, Sehun wouldn’t stop. 

Enjoying the smoking while being surrounded by silence and Jongin’s regular breathing probably was one of the best feeling in the world. Jongin’s breathing, Jongin’s laughter, Jongin’s voice, they all were like a melody to his ears. He had told this many times to Jongin, how much he loved him, how much he appreciated him. Jongin would looked at him with wide eyes, wide grin and sparkling eyes and blushing. He would pull Sehun closer and kiss him, as an answer.

It was sad, really. Sehun was here now, smoking after he woke up, looking at Jongin and wondering how their lives would be if they were living in some other time. A time where there was no war, a place where everyone were happy. He wondered if Jongin would even bother to look at him. Would he even grow to love him? Sehun doubted him. He was not interesting man, not when he was not wearing weapon and uniform. Not when he was full with scars and nightmares. Not when he was crying because he had lost someone close to a brother on the front.

Sehun knew he would never grab the attention of Jongin. Probably it would have been Chanyeol, the loud tall man with shining smile and deep voice. He was smart, rich and he was doctor, he knew a lot and he was good in what he was doing. Sehun had seen him how he was saving lives, this man was someone who would suit Jongin.

Probably it would have been Taemin, the man who tried to keep a bakery couple of metres away from the hospital. He was greeting everyone with smile and sometimes dancing with some of the ladies who didn’t dare to smile. Jongin loved to dance, this man probably would win his heart. Junmyeon, the poor general, who now was put in civil position because he had almost lost his arm, he was a good, genuinely nice man. Jongin would love him.

But instead he was with Sehun. Sehun, who couldn’t protect Minhyuk, the kid who was on the wrong place when the attack happen. Sehun, who almost lost his leg because he wasn’t careful and step on a mine. Sehun, who almost made his commander to lose his head because he was being reckless in trying to save a girl who didn’t want to be saved. Sehun, who couldn’t even smile anymore because of the pain. Sehun, who was someone with no life, with no money, with no laughter, no heart. Sehun, who felt bleeding even when he was healthy. And Jongin loved him.

Sometimes Sehun hated him, between the love, there was this strong hate for Jongin. The hate born from the way Jongin acted as if Sehun was the strongest man. Sometimes it was from the envy that Jongin had future, he was going to be a doctor, with the talent he had, while Sehun was a soldier, a man with no other life except the war. Jongin was saving lives, while Sehun was taking them. Sometimes Sehun cried, sometimes he shouted, but Jongin was always there, calming him down, not knowing that Jongin was for behind all this.

“Do you love me?” Jongin asked earlier this night, while Sehun was kissing Jongin’s body and claiming it as his. Sehun had looked up, slightly confused but he replied right away.

“Of course, I love you with everything I have.” And it was true, even if it was mixed with so many other feelings like: anger, hate, desire, lust, envy, happiness. The love was the strongest.

“I love you too.” Jongin said then, his eyes were getting watery and Sehun leaned down to kiss the tears away. 

Instead of speaking then, instead of stopping and asking what was wrong, as Sehun believed, Chanyeol, Taemin and Junmyeon would have done, Sehun kept on kissing and loving Jongin’s body. He kept on doing these, as long as instead of sobs, he started to hear moans of pleasure and pleads for more. He kept going even after this. And Jongin didn’t stop him, he embraced him and kept on loving him back.

Then they fell asleep. And Sehun missed the chance to say that he was called back. He was going on a mission again. He was told that the men they’ll send would be less than usual, Sehun would be the commander of the mission. Sehun had no choice but to say yes, no choice but hide this from Jongin until the last moment.

He turned around to see the clock and he had to be going in two hours. He had missed the chance to say anything to Jongin, so instead of doing it, Sehun walked to the small kitchen Jongin had and cooked him breakfast, something simple, something Jongin would remember. Or maybe not, Sehun laughed to himself, he had to speak but he was scared. He didn’t want to see Jongin crying for him, he didn’t want him to be broken. And the selfish thought, Sehun didn’t want to be stopped.

Once he was done with the breakfast, he brought it to the small kitchen table. He went out and cut a rose from the garden and put it in a glass with water. He wrote a note, explaining where and for how long he would be gone. He wrote how much he loved Jongin, how grateful he was. Once he was done, he put the note in front of the plate with the food. Slowly and carefully, Sehun put on his uniform, took his gun, put his hat on and left. 

Couple of hours later, Jongin cried while eating the tastiest breakfast he had ever. He cried when he saw the spare key behind the glass with the rose.

Couple of months later, Jongin cried again, this time he was on his knees with a letter on his chest, holding a small silver chain with his name on it. He could no longer ask for breakfast.


End file.
